Lethbridge Livin'

This is my Fall 2011 residence

Nice surprise! Someone heart attacked our door!

Not-so-nice surprise.
Thank-you to whoever donated this lovely pumpkin collection to us and a sincere thank-you to my mom who helped me get rid of them. We had to be sneaky and divide them up amongst our neighbors trash bins the night before the garbage truck came.

The latest...

About 10 days ago I went on this really great trip with my parents and my brother Connor. We went to Yellowstone National Park and Cody, Wyoming and saw some of the coolest things ever, such as the Buffalo Bill Historical Center and some real live buffalo/bison and the Yellowstone Grand Canyon, and the most incredible waterfall. So all of these amazing sites and this is the only picture I came home with.

I just thought it was so funny; it was next to our hotel. Don't worry, my dad had a camera, my mom had a camera, and Connor had a camera and I just didn't see the point of having 4 cameras taking pictures of the same stuff, so I let them do all of the work. If you want to see pictures of the trip check out my mom's Facebook.

So this is another gratitude post. At the Buffalo Bill Historical Center there was a wing dedicated to the Plains Indians. So it was really interesting and it got me thinking about the way Native Americans were treated and also the early members of the Church and many other groups of people that have been treated unfairly throughout history. I just thought how I would feel if the government waltzed in and told me 'you can't live like that anymore' and kicked me out of my house and made me learn German or something. I would not be happy about that. But that's exactly what happened to the First Nation people. Also at work I hear about all sorts of people getting sick and dying way too young and it just makes me sad. So I'm just really, really grateful to have been born when and where I was, and I'm grateful to have such a wonderful family and a good job, and a reliable car, and plenty to eat, and a roof over my head and that I don't have to practice my religion in secret etc.

So the latest excitement in my life: I have applied to go on a European Religious History Tour with BYU-Idaho. So cross your fingers that I get accepted because they only take about 43 people. The trip won't be until next Fall but I'm already very excited/nervous about it.

For those that don't know I'm back living in Lethbridge and working as a pharmacy technician again. I like my job, I like my boss, and I like my house. But in the evenings I pretty much hang out by myself because my 4 roommates are studying or working or something, so it's kind of lonely, but things could be worse, right? I'm looking forward to a long weekend of chillaxin', getting the oil changed in my car, and I'm hoping to spend some time with my family. I hope all of the Canadians reading this enjoy their Thanksgiving feasts and the Americans.... HAHA (think of Nelson on the Simpsons) enjoy work and school. Okay just kidding, you'll get your day off in a month of so. Well that is all.

I'm grateful for my Mom

This past week I had the opportunity to go to Montana with my mom, where we spent time with her sister, cousin, and their spouses. We drove over Logan Pass twice, on the way down it was really foggy and rainy and cold. The drive home yesterday was much more pleasant; the weather was lovely. We walked the traditional Trail of the Cedars, and up to Sunrift Gorge, and we saw two mountain goats and a moose. We also did some shopping. So we were in Target paying for our stuff, I was going to purchase "Anastasia" on DVD and my mom said "you can put that with my stuff, one of the benefits of vacationing with your mother". And I said "I love vacationing with my mother". Then the cashier chimed in and said "enjoy it while you can, I lost mine last fall and I miss her so much, I used to call her every Saturday and now Saturdays are so hard for me". And I said "I call my mom every Saturday". So at this point all three of us teared up a bit and it was just one of those moments that made me really appreciate my mom, not just because she buys me stuff and does my laundry and feeds me when I visit, but because she's a really great person and I love her a lot. The rest of my family members, immediate and extended, are also awesome, but there are just too many of them to name.

Glacier Park July 2011

Redecorating

Like my new wallpaper? I don't! My roommate and former roommate did this to me. I was torn between being mad and thinking it was funny. So it's funnier if you know the whole story, which is... for the past month Christin and I have been hiding this bridal magazine on each other because we are sick of being single in this marriage-obsessed environment. Well I thought I would be clever and I picked up 5 more magazines and hid them in all of her drawers and cupboards and she thought she was going nuts. I didn't think she could top that, and I threw the magazines out. Well she dug them out of the trash and I came home to find this. So if anybody has any good prank ideas to get back at her, let me know.

So I've been slacking on the blog, oops... school is going well. I'm hoping to go home for Memorial Day weekend. I've been trying out new things on campus, like yoga and Latin dancing. I've decided that I want to go see the Vatican, my world foundations teacher showed us a bunch of pictures and it looks incredible! Oh and if you want to see a good movie I highly recommend "Water for Elephants", Christin, Chrissie and I saw it last week and LOVED it! Well I had better get ready for bed. I hope that all 2 or 3 of my readers are having a fantabulous week!

Randomness from the last few weeks...

My new outfit

My roommate, Megan, did my make-up for me (for a date)

I cooked! Delicious chicken enchiladas.

My how time flies, it's May tomorrow!! So I've kind of been slacking in the blog department (among other things), so I'll post some random stuff for my favorite sister-in-law. I'm all moved in to my new apartment, and I love it!! Except there seems to be a disagreement over the A/C. Personally I think if it's snowing outside, A/C is not required, open the window for heaven sakes. My roommate Christin and I have been playing this game with a bridal magazine where we hide it in the other person's room, hehe. I had quite an enjoyable Easter. It was my first Sunday in the 48th ward and I got to meet with my Bishop and say the closing prayer in Sacrament Meeting. After church Christin and I went and took pictures in front of the temple because it was such a beautiful day! Then we went to our friend Chrissie's house for a delicious dinner and an Easter egg hunt. We met a bunch of new people and a cute guy even asked for my number! We also went to a fireside, then played some games and watched Tarzan. Today I went to Idaho Falls with Chrissie, her roommates Mary, and Michelle, and Christin. I stocked up on Clinique products, looked around the mall, then we ate at Red Robin, then we went to Target (which is one of my favorite stores) and I got a really cute shirt, which I may post a picture of and some cheap-o turquoise flip-flops. Then we went to Win-Co for cheap groceries. It was a great day, but shopping is exhausting, and I had a bunch of homework and laundry to come home to. I love the feeling and the smell of clean clothes fresh out of the dryer, it's one of the best things in the whole world!! I do not like Shakespeare though. Sure he tells good stories, but I just can't appreciate his plays because I don't understand what the heck is going on. I have to study Hamlet AGAIN for one of my classes, and I no like-y. Boo!

Where are you Spring?

I think that it's rather ridiculous to have to worry about road conditions when traveling in April, but yesterday I had the pleasure of driving from Rexburg to Taber on slushy roads (actually the roads between Great Falls and Taber were nice and clear). Thank-you to Brittany for taking the wheel for a few hours so I could sleep. So the semester is over and I'm home for about a week. The end of the semester means that this is no longer a blog for my family relations class, so I guess it'll just be like another journal for me or there's a good chance that I'll need a blog for classes in the future. It's weird to be home without my brothers, it's kind of lonely, but I'm glad that Connor has struck out on his own and that Darren is serving the Lord in Mexico City. The last few days have been bittersweet, sure it's nice to be done with classes and finals, but the end of the semester means saying goodbye to roommates, classmates, teachers, and friends; it means white glove checks, packing, and driving all of which I hate. The saddest part for me is that I won't be living with Chrissie Yelton anymore, we've grown pretty close in our three semesters as roommates. But she's being replaced by Christin Humphreys, who is equally awesome! Being in Taber means delicious home-made meals (all of my favorites), fresh-baked cookies, a shower with excellent water pressure, a more comfortable bed, sleeping for as long as I want, watching NCIS with my dad, and viewing the last three months of pictures on the family computer. Whatever shall I do with all of my glorious spare time?

Blended Families

Did you know that 56-62% of children in the US will be raised in a blended family? Whoa!
Did you know that 70% of divorced people say that they could/should have made the marriage work? We had Brother Williams wife Ruth come and answer some of our questions this week. She had to jump back into the dating scene with 2 young children. Brother Williams advises that a divorce should be final for at least 6 months before you even think about starting to date again. It's important to be realistic when you're dating, don't constantly have your head in the clouds because marriage is tough. She said that the first time around she had certain goals which she ignored because of a cute guy. An idea that I liked was that when she and Brother Williams were dating they would take turns planning the dates, and that they were structured, not just hang-out sessions.

Active Parenting

Here's what we learned about this week:

To all you parents out there you should check out books by Michael Popkin on Active Parenting or activeparenting.com. We talked about it today and during Wednesday's class and it is quite interesting. I almost wish that I had children to practice it on. The idea is that rather than focusing on the undesirable behavior you should try to figure out the child's needs that perhaps are not being met. A memorable quote shared by Brother Williams goes something like this. You can never get enough of what you don't need because what you don't need can never satisfy you. I don't recall the original author of this quote. Anyway back to Active Parenting... One example would be:

Behavior
Undue attention seeking

Need
Contact & belonging

How to Help
Show interest in them before they act out, catch them when they're behaving, offer attention freely, they may just need a hug. Also teach them to contribute to the family or whatever group they may be involved with, it's not enough for them to just show up, and give them positive reinforcement and encouragement. Gotta go to class, ciao.

Week 10

I had the opportunity to read "One for the Money" by Elder Ashton for the third time in my BYU-I career. If it has been assigned in three separate classes it's probably important right?

To read the entire article please visit this website:

http://lds.org/ensign/2007/09/one-for-the-money?lang=eng&query=one+money

These are a few of the points that particularly stuck out to me.

~75-89% of divorces are rooted in problems with mismanagement of finances
~financial anxieties --> no love, peace, security, or contentment
~Elder Ashton strongly recommends that we teach our children early the value of work and earning. His opinion is that children do chores to earn their allowance instead of having it handed to them every week.
~Family unity comes from saving together for a common purpose. Each family member should contribute to family welfare (like a brother or sister on a mission) - I thought that this was a really cool idea, it will help the siblings feel more involved in the family.
~Don't forget to: use a budget, pay your tithing first and foremost, have medical and life insurance, build up your food storage.

H.A.L.T.

Don't you just love acronyms? I do! I learned two cool ones this week. The first one is in reference to communication. HALT... stands for Hungry, Angry, Lonely, Tired. These factors will make for ineffective communication. Someone in class made a comment that I enjoyed... "what's wrong with talking to yourself, who else do you have more in common with?" The other acronym is one that I heard in my Book of Mormon class, CPR. It could stand for cardiopulmonary resuscitation, which saves lives or Church, Prayer, Read scriptures which also saves lives.

I just finished reading two articles by Elder Russell M. Ballard about councils. Apparently he has written a book and given several talks on this subject, so I guess it must be important. A ward or a family that is not taking advantage of all of its council members is a "shell of unrealized potential".
Possible Advantages of Councils (if used properly)

• great spiritual power
• inspired direction
• reservoir of insight and inspiration
• lives will be blessed
• the Lord's work is moved forward faster and farther
• UNITY!!
• better solutions
• prepares future leaders
• lightens the leader's load
• ongoing solidarity and strength

The council method is something that I definitely want to remember to apply in my own future family. I think it's important to not only discuss possible solutions between husband and wife but to get input from the children as well (when they're old enough to talk that is).

God, in His wisdom, has provided His children with the council method, let's use it!

Crises

Something from this week's discussions that I found interesting was that the Chinese character for crisis is equivalent to the characters for danger + opportunity. We learned that a situation can be viewed as a crisis or as an opportunity, the outcome depends on how we handle it. A crisis can actually be a blessing in disguise. It is important to try to see the big picture.

I especially liked this statement from a gospel standpoint: Heavenly Father loves us so much, he doesn't want our lives to always go smoothly because it is during the crises that we experience the most growth. Without crises we would return to Him exactly the same as when we left.

We also learned about different types of stressors. I will use my brother's car accident as an example. This was an external event, nonnormative, nonambiguous, definitely nonvolitional, I guess it was acute and I'm not sure on the cumulative or isolated. One way for Darren to cope with this tragedy was that he needed to be around people all of the time, because when he was alone with his thoughts I think he would start to blame himself for what happened and he needed to know that it was an accident. He and many others also turned to prayer and the Atonement for comfort.

"Making a Love Connection"

I just finished reading an interesting article for my class, it was about preventing teen pregnancies through relationship education. One statement from the article that I really liked was: "Talking to teens about sex without talking to them about relationships and love makes little sense." Parents need to be more involved in teaching their children about relationships, love, marriage, and sex. Yes it's kind of awkward and you might think "why bother, they can take Theme 5 (that's what it was called at my school)" but the article points out that by the time a person is a teenager they have already absorbed messages about sex from the streets and the media. The article gave examples of songs that have themes of abandonment, betrayal, sadness, anger, pain, and a longing for a functional family. I thought of another song not mentioned, it is called Father of Mine by Everclear. Here are the lyrics to the first verse:
"Father of Mine
Tell me where have you been
You know I just closed my eyes
My whole world disappeared
Father of Mine
Take me back to the day
When I was still your golden boy
Back before you went away"

Some teens only see failing relationships, therefore they are pessimistic about ever forming a successful relationship for themselves, if they see a happy marriage as being impossible they won't even bother with it and will try to fulfill their need for love and sex elsewhere (outside of marriage).

I think of some of my favorite shows, like Gilmore Girls, it's about a mother who got pregnant at 16. The article states that "for today's generation sex is increasingly separate from marriage and married parenthood. Sex is just sex." This is a sad reality. I've even noticed a theme in several of the classic Disney cartoons and Disney Pixar, there is so much single parenting going on, usually due to death, but still it sends the message to children that single parent homes are normal - The Little Mermaid, Aladdin, Pocahontas, Cinderella, Toy Story, Finding Nemo, Up, to name a few.

These are just a few points that I found interesting, I thought it was a very good article and hope to see relationship education programs become more common.

All You Need Is Love...?

~marriage rates are higher among the more educated & divorce rates are lower
~as an expecting or brand new mother it is important to include your husband as much as possible (bringing him along for doctor's appointments, letting him feel the baby kick, letting him help pick out clothes & accessories for the baby)
~husband and wife need strong bonds that don't involve the children because at some point you will be empty-nesters
~DO NOT complain to friends and family about your spouse
~crises/challenges are actually learning opportunities
~parents should also be mindful of the other children when a new baby arrives on the scene so that they don't feel neglected (for example when my nephew was born my niece got some Disney princess toys from her parents)
~in marriage you need to pick your battles, some things are worth fighting about, others really don't matter that much

He Will Give You Help

This is a Mormon Message about the youth in my hometown, the young man featured happens to be my youngest brother. I encourage everybody to watch this short video clip.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VDbMAeMdpB0

I know that Heavenly Father is aware of each of us, I know that he hears and answers prayers, in His own time and in His own ways. I know that the Savior willingly descended below all things and experienced the pain of all of my sins and trials before I did and that He is the one and only person who can truly say "I know how you feel". I know that if we come unto Christ and accept His Atonement into our lives He will help us through all of life's struggles. He wants to help us, He's waiting for us to turn to Him and ask for help. I know that Heavenly Father loves us so much that He sent His beloved Son to suffer in Gethsemane so that we could all return to live with Him again. I know that families are meant to be together for eternity.

Through the experience of almost losing my brother I've learned to appreciate my family more. I didn't used to tell my brothers I loved them very often, but now I take every opportunity to do so, because I would hate for one of us to leave this earth without them knowing that I love my family and that I know the gospel of Jesus Christ is true. I am more aware of how short and fragile life can be and I am trying harder to make the most of my mortal journey.

Update: Christopher Evanson has his mission call to California, and is waiting for his Visa. Darren Haslam entered the MTC on January 5, 2011 and is preparing to serve the Lord in the Mexico City East mission.

This is another Mormon Message shot in Alberta. It has to do with the relationship between mothers and daughters; it is definitely worth watching.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yKpfE6qwGXI

Selecting a Life Partner

Chapter 7
Studies show that cohabitation before marriage does not yield the expected benefits, it is actually more likely to yield a poorer quality and less stable marriage. One of the most important factors that contributes to marital satisfaction is equity in home responsibilities. If one partner is doing all the work while the other sits on the couch reading a book or watching TV all the time, the working partner is not going to be happy with the marriage. I guess it's important to discuss expectations with your potential spouse before the wedding. Unfortunately, no matter how well we prepare for marriage, it is difficult to predict long-term marital satisfaction for a couple of reasons.
1. our knowledge of another person is always limited, we tend to put our best foot forward during courtship
2. everyone changes over time (needs & interests change) and these changes may make us more or less compatible with our chosen partner

Biological Differences

I thought that today's discussion was quite interesting. Why is it that little girls can play with trucks in the dirt and nobody worries but if little boys play with dolls everybody freaks out? I think that Bem's theory makes a lot of sense. Young people (actually people of all ages) are very sensitive to other people's opinions of them. So if a young man is constantly hearing people tell him he's gay it makes sense that he'll start to wonder about his sexuality and eventually believe it. The same principle can apply to academics or the story of Johnny Lingo. If a child is constantly told by his or her teachers, parents, and peers that he or she is stupid he or she will begin to believe it, this could cause them to not be able to concentrate on the material then they do poorly on an exam and that confirms it to the child, and it's just a vicious cycle. Mahana was told by her father and everybody in the village that she was ugly so she believed it so much that it reflected in her countenance. The way I see it is a lot of people end up considering themselves gay because of misunderstandings.

Gender Roles

Androgyny --> possession of both traditional masculine (instrumental) and traditional feminine (expressive) traits

I think that this picture of my nephew taking his bobcat for a walk is a perfect example of androgenous behavior.

My "family" at BYU-I

This is me and my roommates at Craigo's (January 2011)

I'm Sorry Friend...

Something that I realized today is that my high school wasn't as "clique-y" as I used to think, at least not compared to many other high schools. There were athletes, skaters, Mormons, "skids", and everybody else, but there was a lot of intermingling.

Some personal experiences or thoughts that came to me this week are in relation to opportunity costs or trade-offs. It made me think of a family I know, the dad has a good job and he works really hard, so he makes a decent living. They own a boat, lake-front property, and a nice car. But what good are these things if you're never away from the office long enough to enjoy them?

When I was in grade 4 I had a classmate that everybody (including me) made fun of. We called him an alien and nobody wanted to be his partner I guess because his family didn't have very much money, I don't really know all of the reasons why we chose to pick on him, but we did. I remember being at a BBQ at my best friend's house at the beginning of the summer holidays and our moms took us aside and told us that this classmate of ours had died in an accident. He and his little sister were at the playground and he had a leash and collar around his neck and he ended up hanging himself. Therefore I never had the chance to grow up and apologize to this boy. I did write a poem about it in grade 7 though. I just feel so terrible that I contributed to the teasing and put-downs directed at this boy, who I recall was actually a very nice kid. I think this experience has helped shape the way I view people around me in relation to their "social class".

Week 2

I'm struggling to know what to write about, not because I didn't find this week's discussions interesting but, well just because... This morning when I was trying to come up with 9 Rules that existed when I was growing up I was surprised at how difficult it was. The first "rule" that came to my mind was "finish everything on your plate". My dad would always say "that chicken gave it's life for you and you need to eat every bite". Now that I'm grown up and living with roommates I find myself repeating this phrase sometimes.

Something that stuck out to me from one of the readings was that "family stability is actually rooted in change". Beside this statement I wrote the name of my former boss because it reminded me of some of our discussions we would have during the quieter times at work. He was a bishop so he had seen a lot of issues between couples and he would say that in a marriage both husband and wife have to be willing to change or adapt to new situations. We can't expect our life as a newly-wed to be the same as when we were dating, when babies enter the picture life changes again, then we have toddlers, school-aged children, teenagers, and before we know it we're empty-nesters. He would tell me about several recently married couples that had already broken up because they expect life to be "rosy" all of the time and when things get a little bit tough they just quit. Eternal commitments suddenly lose all of their meaning and I just think it's really sad.

Societal Trends

Some items of interest from the reading and today's class:

1. It's not that half the population's marriages end in divorce, it's that some people get divorced several times and so it messes up the statistics. The statistic (whether accurate or not) that over half of today's marriages end in divorce has always been a bit frightening to me, but I never really considered the people that have been married and divorced multiple times.
2. An increased number of people living alone could result in increased loneliness, unhappiness and depression, which means an increased number of people taking anti-depressants (which is good for the LEGAL drug dealers like me)
3. I think it's sad when single moms decide to have children on their own (although I can certainly understand wanting children and not being able to find the right guy) because I think it's so important for children to have a mother and a father. Not just a mother and a father but parents that are active participants in the lives of their children, apart from just dropping them off and picking them up from daycare. I grew up with a mostly stay-at-home mom and my dad was usually home for the evening meal and for bedtime and I'm beginning to realize how rare that situation is and I consider myself truly blessed.
4. From the reading I thought it was interesting and a little bit alarming that if the current trend of decreasing birth rates continues the U.S. population will decrease (without immigration that is)
5. I liked on page 17 of the text when it talked about "a satisfying marriage provides you with a built-in support system to help you deal with the varied challenges and struggles of your life". I haven't experienced this yet but I look forward to having someone to be there for and who will be there for me and our children during the good times and the rough patches of life.

Welcome to My Blog

I'm new to the world of blogging, so bear with me... I was instructed to create a blog for my Family Relations class, so here it is. For the sake of my classmates I'll tell a little bit about myself. I am from Taber, Alberta, Canada and this is my 5th semester at BYU-Idaho. This class will be going toward my Home and Family cluster. I'm the middle of 5 kids; 2 girls and 3 boys. I have one beautiful niece and two adorable nephews. I like to read, watch movies, play games (I'm slightly addicted to Blokus and Gilmore Girls), and spend time in Glacier Park or at the lake with my family.

When I think of the talk "The Challenge to Become" by Elder Oaks I am reminded of a particular seminary lesson. My teacher held up a picture of a convertible and then went on to say that a convertible is not the same as taking a regular car and tearing the roof off. A convertible can go back and forth. We as children of God need to be converted, not convertible. We are told in the scriptures that we cannot enter God's kingdom unless we are converted. We can't be flip-flopping back and forth between righteousness and wickedness. "No man can serve two masters." (see Matthew 6:24)